He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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