Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
