Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
