His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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