fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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