he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
