I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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