I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
