Your face is a jimmy john
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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