is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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