I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
