If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
