I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
