Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
