I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
