you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Send help, water and tortillas.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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