But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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