I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Come share oat with me in your robe
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
