After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
