I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
