she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
