my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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