yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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