We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
