it was like his penis was on wheels.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
