apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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