its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
well you can't waste a boner
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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