Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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