it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
