He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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