turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
