before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
