found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
