dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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