A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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