Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
there is glitter all over my balls
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
