And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
All the doctor said was why
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
