I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
