I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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