Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
