New low: just hacked my moms facebook
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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