Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
