If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
