Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
