made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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