Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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