How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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