I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
