I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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