I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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