You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
